Breakin’ the Law
Last Thursday I had a super long day at work, so I ventured out for a couple of hours in the afternoon to check out a sale in Taylor that looked like it could be both interesting and horrifying. It did seem to contain a large quantity of print porn, but most of it looked pretty old, which made me interested. (Shout-out to Drew for notifying me about this sale… I probably wouldn’t have noticed it until Friday!)
I was almost to the sale, and was driving on a busy multi-lane street (Telegraph, if you’re from these parts), and I noticed a cop. I thought to myself, “Oh no… he thinks I’m texting,” when he turned out onto the road from where he was. I had been looking at the map on my phone to determine where to go next, but I was definitely not texting. Anyway, he pulled me over and told me I was speeding (bullsh*t, I was going 5 over tops), but ended up giving me a ticket for a lesser offense with no points that doesn’t stay on your record, thankyouverymuch.
By the time that fiasco was over, I was feeling down in a dumps about whether the prospects were even worth it, but I continued on with my journey.
When I got to the sale, it looked weird, and almost like it was just a garage sale. Right away, I spotted some old men’s magazines that I was interested in, but nothing had prices on it. I found out he was charging $3 per magazine for the ones I wanted, but I figured I’d take a risk. When I went into the back yard, I saw this:
There were many, many newspapers from the 1950s through the 1980s, I think. There were also tons of Enquirers… but I have no idea what to look for with either of those things (I’m guessing that there aren’t many issues of the latter that are worth much…)
I went inside the house and found the porn room:
Really official looking signage, I know.
I’m not sure how to summarize this room, but it contained the most print pornography I have ever seen in my life, by far. I mean just boxes and boxes. In addition, this person also had a TON of old Life, National Geographic, People, and US Weekly magazines, along with a bunch of old TV Guides. The other weird thing was that this guy had TONS… and I mean TONS of VHS tapes that had TV shows and movies recorded on them, or so said the labels on the sides. They were even inside the bathroom cabinets! They were everywhere. If I was brave, I would have purchased a couple, but the thought of what might actually be on those tapes was too terrifying.
So what I discovered once I got back from this sale was that there were TONS of pulp sleaze novels that actually seem to go for a decent amount of money on eBay. I had noticed a sign in the porn room that said “Adult Novels $5 each,” which seemed high to me so I disregarded them. Here are some insane covers that I did snap pictures of, though:
That guy on the right is my favorite.
Here are some other things I didn’t buy:
Dude magazine… for… fans of armpit sniffs?
Here’s a nice collection of those gross ’70s figurines that Erin and I have found at previous sales.
The one on the far right says “World’s Best Mother,” which I believe might be up for debate, considering the “collections” spread through this home.
After leaving this sale, I decided to stop at another that was nearby. It looked sort of hit or miss from the pictures, and especially from their “enter” sign near the front door:
Yes, that is a cardboard box shoved in a bush.
Turns out, there were some treasures to be found at this sale, especially because I think it was family-run, so I’m not sure they were familiar with the real value of anything at all. Here are some of the things I purchased at this sale:
My very own Snuggle Bear. When I was a little kid I really wanted the Snuggle Bear to be real. If I had known that you could get the next best thing (a stuffed one), I would have been all over that. Also, Erin bought one of these at a garage sale a few months ago and gave it to me when she found out how much I wanted one, even though they sell on eBay for about $20. Now my plan is to sell this one (it has the tags) and keep the one she gave me. I’m such a good friend.
I also found this adorable guy:
A stuffed Edward Gorey cat! I didn’t know these even existed. I can’t decide if I should keep it or sell it. It’s got the original tags and everything. He’s so cute, though.
I know this rubber face is scary and gross but you never know.
I also bought this cute coat:
Here is one thing that I did not purchase.
It sounds like either the name of a Christian rapper, or a model of broomstick that you’d find for Quidditch at a… Christian school for wizards? I’ve been reading too much Harry Potter.