Dig This Treasure!

Last Monday, I met up with my parents and hit up the Secret Auction yet again (I have to work late tonight so I’ll miss it today… BOO.) Things were packed and hoppin’, as usual. Also as usual, there were lots of interesting, hilarious, and freaky things to see.

First up on the list of freaky: Old dentists’ tools.

I actually made a mental note to go back to this table later, but ended up forgetting. I was sure that I could have sold these items to some weird Marilyn Manson person. Now that I think about it, I can’t even believe I considered this because I hate the dentist and am terrified of going every time I have to.

Ok, back to the funny things for sale.

(He sounded like Satan when you pulled his string.)

Yes, that does say “lingerie for young girls.”

They could NOT get someone to bid on this box of freaky GIANT dolls. In retrospect, I wish I had bought it because I could have left these on a friend’s lawn as a joke, or used them for a Halloween display. They tried to get someone to bid on them for THREE DOLLARS and there were no takers.

That is a broken nutcracker that looks like a woman’s groin.

A wide array of off-brand toys, new in boxes.

Barbie camping picture disc. Another thing that, in retrospect, I wish I had purchased. Look at how suggestive those hot dogs are!

So in case you’ve forgotten, the secret Monday night auction is different than most—they actually have three simultaneous auction’s happening, so if there are things going up at the same time that you want, things can get a little stressful! That happened really bad at the end of the auction. I really wanted this giant box of old stuffed animals in one booth, and then a big box of paper in another booth, so I had to tell my mom to bid on the paper for me if it went up for auction, while I went over and tried to win rubber faced Yogi Bear. Spoiler alert: SUCCESS!!!

Like this little buddy? He can be yours. All you have to do is bid on him.

Right when I finished winning Yogi Bear, I ran over to the other auction and was able to bid on my box of paper. I was a little nervous because there were two nerdy middle-aged men at this auction who were really ramping up prices. One of them, before that booth went up for auction, was talking to the other like he already OWNED the box of paper I was interested in. I looked at my parents and I was like, “Ok that’s it… I’m going home with that box of paper no matter what!” I didn’t want a repeat of the auction thievery that happened there before. Spoiler #2: I ended up winning the box of paper. Here’s one scary/adorable item that was in it.

I also walked away with this very awesome vintage Ben Cooper Dick Tracy Costume. It is also up for sale if you’re into that sort of thing.

I also won with this S&H Green Stamps poster, that I’ll sell eventually. Listen, I didn’t know what the hell Green Stamps were—I just thought it was super cool and it’s actually reversible but I forgot to take a picture of the other side! My mom schooled me about Green Stamps after I bought the poster.

Here is one other thing I wanted but forgot to bid on:

I thought this would be something that would freak Adam out, but no—instead, when he saw the picture, he seemed super sad that I didn’t buy it. WTF?!

-Sarah

P.S. Here is a picture of my favorite auctioneer, wearing a mullet wig that was up for sale.

Sorry it’s so blurry—I had to be incognito.